Destroyed By My Own Mind

Feeling nothing
Not knowing what is real
Empty and alone
Just wanting something to feel,
Cannot stop the thoughts
The thoughts within my head
Saying I am useless
And how I should be dead.

Cannot sleep
Cannot think
As into darkness
I begin to sink,
Tired but unable to sleep
Unable to stop my mind
The images and memories
Trapped in this eternal bind.
Sunk and drowning
Cannot breathe
Unable to surface
But not wanting to leave.

The voices grow louder
Shouting out their lies,
Insulting and tormenting me
Forcing my demise.
Inside I am being torn apart
Destroyed by my own mind
One day soon I'll be forced to fall
There will be nothing left of me to find.

My thoughts are thrust back on memories,
Of demons in the past
Things that forever haunt me
Nightmares which shall forever last,
I am forced to re-live them
As if I am sent back in time,
Be forever punished
For another's crime.

I am my own greatest enemy
Forever at war with my brain.
Forever to sabotage myself,
That much at least is plain.
Be torn apart from deep within
Never knowing what to believe,
Not being able to tell what is true
Or when me mind is trying to deceive.
Trapped in my own reality
And slowly loosing hope
Trying to stay on top
But surrounded by a slippery slope.

Inside I am being torn apart
Destroyed by my own mind
Unable to escape from myself
Eternally entwined.
Forever I shall be at war
Never knowing what's to come,
Being torn apart and destroyed
Slowly becoming numb.

_______________

psychotic depression and ptsd... arn't I lucky?