Final Words

I can't help what I do anymore
I find myself crying on the floor
I've watched as others have took to the blade
And so shall I, so the pain will start to fade

I can't take the stress anymore
I can't keep hiding behind this closed door
My emotional scars are hurting so bad
But at least I will never be sad

I can't write anymore
My heart is beating, o how its sore
My tears are stained by my dark make-up, tinted black
I bid all goodbye, I'm not turning back

I whisper my words of farewell
I don't want this new lease on life that they're trying to sell
"I love you", turns into "I care for you"
Jesus Rian, cannot you see what you do?

My girls, I'm sorry I can't hold up anymore
I can't keep of thinking about this blood I want on the floor
I wished for strength, I prayed for hope
But now I know there is no way I can cope

The deadness of night shall shroud my ending
This task I'm still pending
I can't even think why I didn't do this earlier
Oh yeah, that's right, my love life seemed a little more... healthier

I wrote "Broken Glass" when I was feeling so sad
And now I look back at all this bad
Tired of holding up straight for everyone
This is it, I can't take it, I'm done

Willow, I read those poems you wrote for me
And sweet girl, you made me cry free
I was there for you when you had to fall from grace
But, sweet girl, I don't want you to see my face

Ashleigh, you made me laugh when I wanted to cry
I'm so sorry I haven't told you that I want to die
Through all the years, we\ve grown so close
But I can't let you see this death that I want to post

Lisa, you figure me out when I was angry
But you've noticed lately that I have been acting strangely
I'm sorry, but this silent tapper can't tap dance anymore
Please, don't you be the one who finds me on the floor

Rian, I love you with all my heart
But now it seems you keep tearing me apart
I tried to withdraw from you forever, the other day
"I don't want to lose you", is all you had to say

Lissa, I know you think that God will help me
But at the moment, it feels like He won't let me free
It's been awhile since I've heard from you
I need your help, I don't know what to do

Megz, I know we talked about suicide
I wish I told you all the times I cried
I listen to Slipknot and Mudvayne and wonder why did I try?
I'm sorry Megz, I want to die

Tripp and Zack, you two boys write such beauty, such pain
I'm sorry that you boys feel any kind of shame
Just keep writing, there is light for you at the end
It would be a great privilege to be called your friend

I'm planning the day I want to die
So I will no longer have to cry
I'm sorry for making this mistake
By giving more then I can take