Before you know

I NEVER DID IT TO KILL MY SELF BUT WHEN YOU SIT THERE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR HOPING THE PAIN WILL JUST ALL GO AWAY YOU SIT AND THINK \\\" YOUR JUST MAKING MORE PAIN ON YOURSELF.. BUT IT WAS SO HARD TO STOP SO HARD TO WALK AROUND AND PRETEND I WAS OKAY WHEN I KNEW THAT INSIDE THAT I WAS HURTING. I NEVER WANTED ANYONE TO KNOW THAT I \\\"CUTT\\\" MYSELF BECAUSE THEN THEY WOULD TRY TO SAVE ME WHEN I DIDNT EVEN WANTED TO BE SAVED..... SO I WOULD HIDE MY MARKS ON MY ARMS, I WOULD WEAR LONG SLEEVES OR ANYTHING THAT WOULD COVER MY SCARS.. THEN I GO AND \\\"RECUTT\\\" OVER THE MARKS I ALREADY HAD BECAUSE I WAS UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING.. NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRYIED TO STOP IT JUST MADE THE PAIN MORE. I WOULD FIND MYSELF ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT \\\"CUTTING\\\" NO MATTER WHAT I WAS DOING I WAS LIKE A LITTLE KID WAITING FOR THE WATER SLIDE WANTING MORE EVERY TIME..I WAS SCARED MOST OF THE TIME WHEN I DID \\\"CUTT\\\" BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO HURT MYSELF BAD ENOUGH TO BLEED TO DEATH.. BUT I GUESS SEEING MY OWN BLOOD ALWAYS MAD THE PAIN GO AWAY MORE... CRYING AND YELLING AT NO ONE FOR SOMETHING YOU DID JUST MADE ME WANT TO \\\"CUTT\\\" MORE I JUST WANTED ALL THE PAIN OF HIM TO GO AWAY. BUT NO MATTER WHAT I DID EVEN IF I WAS TWO STEPS AWAY FROM DEATH I WOULD STILL WANNA BE WITH HIM NO MATTER WHAT THE PAIN HE GAVE ME I WOULD STILL LOVE HIM.. THEN I OPENED MY EYES AND SAW THAT HIS PAIN WASN\\\'T WANT I WANTED I SAW THAT I WAS CARING HIS PAIN AND MINE ALL TOGETHER. THATS WHEN I JUST PICKED UP ALL MY THINGS AND SAID F**k YOU AND YOUR PROBLEMS...