The last letter

How do you tell your own family
that you no longer wish to live
that your so depressed within
that you would rather not be alive

well this is what i have to do
i have to choose the right words
to express exactly the way i feel
and why my mind drove me to hell

it all started when i was young
struggling to find confidence
i feel into a world i hated
that never accepted what i was

a young girl struggling with weight
a few extra kilos i carried
i believe because of depression
the voices inside me yelling abuse

for a child of nine i was alone
i dealt with my parents divorce
that happened when i was only four
the constant fighting took its toll

allowing new people into my life
a step mum a step dad
each so different and unique
but they didn't ever care about me

someone i trusted, hurt me bad
they took my body and used it
sexually abusing me for years
until i was a broken girl pleading

my own mother cried all the time
she was so unhappy with her life
didn't want to see her kids in pain
so i tried to cover it up, i lied

my Father to indulged in his work
wanting a better career
money and materialistic things
forgot to let me know he loved me

my brother struggled to fit in
bashed and beaten by his peers
never really found friends
so he let out frustrations on me

pretending i could cope with
abusive words always taunting me
my weight a constant issue
i too got bullied then i broke

id moved schools, found friends
i stopped living with my dad
though it'd make things easier
but it got harder , i felt i failed

my dad and my brother hated me
then i found out i had a sister
a lie kept secret from me
i felt forgotten, abandoned, alone

my best friend betrayed me
hurt me for a boy, i lost it
anorexia set in, then bulimia
the weight feel i though I'd be OK

then things got worse again
whilst dealing with all this
my friend developed depression
she was cutting , threating, afraid

i tried to help i really did
but i feel into darkness
my weight dangerously low
i stopped talking, started cutting

i somehow found strength though
i pulled myself out of the depths
gained weight, closed the cuts
but i was just pretending

a year down the track i am
i still deal with all the pain
i never dealt with
I'm still scared, alone an pretending

I'm giving up on all this pain
I'm leaving the one;s i love
i believe theres nothing you can say
that will change what i want

so I'm ending my life today
this will leave some answers
I'm sorry i cant say much more
but i love you, I'm sorry

please don't hate me, i need this
for everything happens for a reason
as you lose me, i hope you'll all
finally realize who you are

with one passing soul
another soul finds life
mistakes are corrected
and the world begins to breath