Holding on to long

I think I've been holding on too long
And the words upon my lips, just say goodnight
Don't ask me to keep strong
Because I just can't win this fight

I've stumbled my way
For 15 years
I've been pressed and tumbled
Through all of my fears

I've spent hours upon hours
Just cutting my wrists
And look at me now
I've boiled down to this.

Sure, I've laughed and I've smiled
But there's always been hurt
There are always these things,
That just make it worse

Pick up that knife
And punish your skin,
Cut out your sins
That reside deep within

Cut out your heart
Cut out your soul
Show them you're brave
Show them these holes

Kiss me goodnight,
Your sweet, sweet mind
Lose me forever
Lose me to time

I knew this was coming
This cold, bitter end
I knew I would dissapoint you
My dearest loved friend.

I'm sorry I couldn't watch you
Push away from the knife
But trust me, I'm useless
I'd have ruined your life

I'm just not that strong
And I've never been right
Its been coming for years
This long-awaited goodnight

So don't cry for me
We've both cried enough tears
I've managed to hold on,
These long 15 years

Don't feel you failed me
Because I made it this far
I'm happy this way,
Alone in the dark

Kiss me sweet dreams
And turn off the light.
I've waited for this
My long-coming goodnight.