Awww so sad.
no criticism from 'lil' ol' me today.
that was fab
~Emah

I loved this one!!!!!!!!! It touched me so deeply! Amazing write!

Great poem

Heartbreaking....
From the first stanza you created the perfect mood for this piece. Brilliantly written, I adore the song that she sings.
Take care and keep it up~Holly

So sad... Well written. Flowed well from beginning to the end. Keep writting.

A wonderful idea and i love the title, its very picturesque.

the stanza of the girls song fits very well into the poem but i think the last stanza is a bit....lets say soggy. it lacks something, it isn't very powerful which is a shame as the rest of the poem is excelent, i just think u need to finish with a bit more of an impact

-biscuit-

First of all thnx for entering my competition :):) this oem is really good it make me want to read personally i think people shouldnt critizise on other poeples poem as then its wouldnt be their own thought and it would be someone elses work , however some poems that are bad need to be told how to have a peom coming from the heart but you cleary expressed yourself very well in this poem an i wont say anything to improve because its your thoughts and no one elses :):):) keep it up and keep smiling :):) xxx alex xxx

id love it if oyu read some of my poems :):) thnx xxx

This was very good. Nice emotion and depth. Great flow as well. Nice work!!

-Jennifer. Overall Rating: 4.5/5

I loved it! i can feel the pain...beautifully written 5/5

prima!
Auf Wiederzehn!

Tainted Soul

I loved this poem.. It was so innocent yet so sad.. a perfect mixture of the two... wonderful

Ashleigh Skye

Its very somber... and i love it all :D u set the mood brilliantly and makes me want to help the girl with her pain... i hold out my hand and wish for the anguish of the rain away, so that brilliance of that day could last. for i know what it feels to live with broken wings so torn, for i was once decieved and fell from my cloud of grace. i wish this little girl her paper wings take her far from the world that does not care, into a blissful place and may her sorrow be forever no more

Even in its sadness, this piece is GORGEOUS. 100/5 if possible. keep it up! awesome job!

Im sure i have read this one just incase i havnt though ill comment again lol :) loved it so sad very diff 2 your hiaku lol xxx alex xxx (2)

Aww. Such a sad poem, and I can relate. Sometimes in this world, you just feel like giving up and not thinking of the positive. This reminded me of how easily some people seem to give up on life. Most of those people are suicidal. It also reminds me of my poem 'Scarred For Life' as you've already mentioned. xD But I'm not suicidal lol. Emotions are just whipping around in my head. I hope you don't feel like self harming or anything along those lines. =(

The flow was great, and I could read it through easily. The rhymes weren't too bad, but could be a little less cliche. It would probably add a lot to your poem. Well done though. I'm looking forward to some more reads of yours. =) 5/5 xoxo

Samantha

Wow. i loved it especially the whole paper wings thing. thought it was very creative and very well written. the rhymes were pretty good but coulda been a little bit better. but besides that it was beautiful
Much love.
Amberinaa.

The little girl looks out in the world,
But all she sees is rain

*The life that i've been living,
Has left my soul withered and worn,
and because of this wretched rain,
My paper wings are torn.*

The rain outside keeps pouring down,
and indoors the domestic storm grows.
So the little girl gets off the windwsill,
Realizing the world will never know.

Her paper wings will never again
be a wonderous and beautiful sight.
And never again will the little girl,
feel the sweet serenity of flight.
((God, I may have well as just posted the whole poem here... Anyways, these are your stronger lines. Seeing as how this IS half the poem, you know you have a great poem.))

I absolutely LOVED the last two stanzas. A very nice new ending to it. I love the editing. The poemw as magical in a way, and though cliche, very well written. Good job. You had a lot of strong stanzas, which is excellent for a poem. =]

xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex 5.5

Great job, i remember this poem, it definately is a much better ending, it feels more finished now and it all fits together very well, a wonderful idea (i know i sed that last time!). thanks for taking note of my previous comment and for letting me know about the edit, definately a worthwile improvement :)

I loved the way you wrote it
-Jamie

I can clearly see why this is your favorite...this poem is beautiful and tragic. you're a very talented poet.

i like the melody of the poem- i realize its not really a song but i heard a melody anyway if you know what i mean

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