The Moon And Stars

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Jul 19, 2006


The stars and the moon,
Gather around,
For a wonderous dance,
Upon the ground.
They twirl and spin,
Lost in affection,
They dance and glisten,
And turn direction.
Look at them now,
They show their promenade,
Dramatizing their every move,
Across the floor they made.
Show us your masquerade,
Dance until you can't shine,
Light across the sky,
Dance until you can't rhyme.
Oh no, here comes mister sun!
Run back to where you bade,
Oh my little ones,
And gently dance away.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Synh

    'Across the floor they made.
    Show us your masquerade,'

    It kinda through me off that rhyme scheme you had there. Using the word promenade was kinda weird as well... it sounded like you tried a little to hard to expand you're vocabulary. I liked the point of the poem though ^^

  • 18 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    A gentle and childlike poem I think.
    The four lines "They show their promenade,
    Dramatizing their every move,
    Across the floor they made.
    Show us your masquerade,"
    made the poem for me, they gave great images.
    The last four lines however came across a little cheesy and somewhat spoilt the ending for me I'm afraid.
    Keep writing.

  • 18 years ago

    by Megann Lee

    Wow. Another nicely done nature poem. This one aswell as the other one captureed great images. I liked the dancing parts. It was excillent.

  • 18 years ago

    by Kaylee

    I didn't enjoy how you changed the stars into the word you as though you were talking to them, the transition just seemed off with it, but I'll admit the poem in itself was cute. More of something you would tell a child and it wa sa bit mystical.

  • 18 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    THIS POEM READS LIKE A MASTERPIECE!!!
    The flow is spot on

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