Once Again

Once again I am defeated,
defeated in my own race.
One step ahead, then two steps back.
They left leaving no trace.

No one quite understands
although they all say they do.
But their actions confuse me
and make me wonder if its true.

Once again I am lost,
lost in my own mind.
All of their eyes are wide open
but they seem to be blind.

Am I just making it all up?
Or are these thoughts in my mind the truth?
Will this continue on forever
or will I leave it all with my youth?

Once again I am scared,
scared its all fake.
Its one thing after another.
Can't I have a break?

I wanna believe it
but my heart wont let it be.
The lock to get in grows bigger,
and even I have lost the key.

Once again I am ashamed,
ashamed my heart feels this way.
I don't like it either,
I wish it wouldn't stay.

And as the tears swell in my eyes,
I'll once again try to be strong.
I'll swallow my pride and say sorry,
because blaming you would be wrong.

Jena
June 12, 2006