Oh MF you are really an expirienced man you can write anything this one is great AWSOME every sentence that you put on this one describe everything your emotions flows very well every reader feel a great pain that you feel i can relate to this one and i already past this feeling . and man truly i say this to you your great as much as i know 5 for this one and thanks for posting this i remember my old love ones

From what I've read so far you're quite good at expressing your emotions, but when it comes to analogies and structure you stick to rigid forms that don't show any real flair.

I like how this flows, and making that last stanza rhyme (and making the fact a declaration) was quite clever. But it is over-long and lacking some finesse.