Not this time

I changed my ways,
especially for you,
not for me,
but because you wanted me to,

At first i wasn't sure,
I didn't want to stop,
I wanted to keep cutting,
I wanted my weight to drop,

But after all the heart ache
All the loneliness and pain,
I wanted to have someone,
Didn't want to be to blame,

So i made my decision,
To get better just for you,
I gained the weight,
and started brand new,

I never stopped the cutting,
the slicing of my skin,
all the hurt and anger gone,
I paid for an sin,

I cut just one slice,
watched it bloom red,
Then i cut a million more,
my pain turned to dread,

Now i realize,
I cut all the more
now I'm not loosing weight,
my legs cut until they're raw,

Feeling so trapped,
all i want is to be thin,
to forget all the hurt,
whats happening and been,

So I'm going to loose weight,
I don't care what they say,
I'm going to stop all this fat,
but my cover won't fray,

I need to loose 12 pounds,
I won't rest until I do,
because my days of listening
are all gone and through,

So even though I cry inside,
I'll still tell you I'm fine,
because you won't stop me,
not this time!!!