Chaos Held Within

This chaos I have inside
controls me
breaks apart
bleeding hearts
so I can see
so I can be
something else to you.

This chaos I have
holds me
can't look back
but I don't want to
I don't know what I'll do.

This chaos
tears me
from the inside out
and over again
deeper
I reach for my gun
(my hope is slowly fleeing)
I hold it to my chest
and tell myself
" It was only for the best".

The chaos
is done
and I wonder
if anything will be the same again.
I have reached my bitter end.