Aww well i was singing it in my head as i read it Lol and it did sound better! it was great i really really liked it!!! 5/5

Hmm, I think you should have wrote it out in a song format. You know, pointing out the verses and chorus. If you meant for it to be poetic, take out the

"N'" at the beginning of most of those lines. Anyways, as a poem, this was a wonderful piece full of emotion. Awesome stuff.

Great poem I think you should call it and I face the lies or facing the lies! Really great the flow was good the structure great and the topic was really unique

Please read any two of mine
-ann

Can't take it anymore.
This pain is seeping in.
Don't want it all to fade.

That was unusual, to say "Don't want it all to fade" because usually people cut, etc, to make it fade, not vice versa.
So, yes, kudos for your new outlook!
Hum, I have to wonder, to what type of music would you sing this? Some violin solo in the distance, with a bit of rock and maybe a techno edge? Or just a harsh, sad voice, and a guitar?
Well, nice write.

//T.L.//

I've written a few songs, so I know what you mean by it's hard to critique it without hearing it. But, I actually liked it. Especially the chorus, It just sounded really catchy. But when you have the word 'babe' in there, I thought that was the only thing that threw it off.. cause it seemed like a real darkish/sad song, and I didn't think it went well. Otherthan that though, it was an excellent song. Keep it up! 5/5

Natalie``

I sung it in my mind and it was brilliant. I just loved it.. It flowed nicely and was very sinister and sad... Great job.

xDarkSuicidex 5.5

It hard to write a song but i think u did it very well, even though i obviously cant tell the beat i think it would make a good song, good job

Really nice! i only wish i could hear it so i would really know how it sounds like... 5/5!

A very deep and full of emotional poem or song, great job / 5/5