Tell me what you want

* boy . says:

tell me what you want... then I'll tell you what I want... because i think that's the problem... we're not telling each other exactly what we want, and if we don't tell each other then how are we going to know what to do or say?

* girl . "I'm only dreaming of you now..." says:

how about you tell me what you want...

* boy . says:

i want you.. i want to make you smile like i used too.. i want you to want to talk to me without being afraid that I'll hurt you.. i want to talk to you without fighting.. i want us to continue.. i don't want us to end.. or even pause.. i want us to be us because i know you love me, i know you care for me... and i don't know if you believe this, but, i love you and i care for you too.. the feelings i had for you from the start never changed... they only got stronger.. no matter how many fights we get into no matter what we say to each other, in the end you're the one i end up thinking about anyways.. you're the one i want to be with.. i want you to want to be with me too..

* girl . "I'm only dreaming of you now..." says:

I don't know what i want anymore because each time that we talk you tell me that we can't be together... when you told me that we were a waste my whole world fell apart, and i can't get over it... and then you tell me that we're over and we're done... i don't know if you mean anything you say because you seem to be changing your mind every two seconds... i love you, you're my smile, and your my
tears, but either way, you confuse the shit out of me, and i don't know whether i can put up with any more of this because I'm seriously dying, and it hurts so freaking bad. Each day i have to wake up and wonder what you'll say to me today... whether we're done, or you love me, or you need your space, each one hurts... even when you say you love me, because after it all it's harder and harder
to believe each time you say it... it's easier for me to believe you when you tell me that we're done then when you tell me that you love me, because I'm so scared to love, and so scared to be committed... I'm so scared to actually have someone in my life that makes me happy because I'm so used to being hurt all the time...

* boy . says:

I'm afraid I'm not going to have enough time left to prove to you i love you... you're hurt but I'm hurt too.. you said you hated me.. i don't care what kind of way you meant that in.. it hurt.. I've never said anything like that to you no matter what the situation was.. we both say things.. one day we make each other smile one day we make each other cry... if you don't know what you want then it makes me question your love just as much as you question mine..

* boy . says:

Sorry, that probably confused you a lot more...

* girl . "I'm only dreaming of you now..." says:

yeah...

* boy . says:

i love you cutie... it wont change even if i say the harshest things i know it wont change.. i could leave the whole summer and come back loving you the same way.. but will i come back to you loving me the same way.. do you know what I'm trying to say?

*actual conversation... not a poem though.

happened on
May 27, 2006

Heidi
July 25, 2006