Last thought of the deceased

I'm sitting here alone,forgotten
And wile I'm sitting I am rotten
My words become a tortured sound
That disappears with burning sun
While at it, I had strangest thought
Like happy times that I forgot
It blinded mind like neon sky
Remember all, I start to cry
I cried much more then dropping rain
I felt more sorrow then felt pain
I didn't care about the world
That swallows us, and then it hurled
I didn't care about today
It ends by night in any way
I didn't care about "the life"
I couldn't care less about the knife
On kitchen table right by me
It'll be inside when get to "three"
The knife was lying on the counter
I was so tired of it all
But not this time,not anymore
Ive put up with this for too long
Suddenly heard a ringing phone
I will not pick it up
They say its a bad luck
I focused on my mind for now
But cant stop crying, don't know how
I tried to disappear
Forget about the fear
Well here it is
And now at last
I saw it fast
The flashback of my life
I wont miss it inside
I'm tired of the lie

And here is my reward
Get stabbed with my own sword
For every time I lied
And made my loved once cry
And yet I'm doing it again
I know they'll cry once more
But I wont stop
No,not this time
Its happening for sure
I told my friends I'm leaving town
No way,they'll never know
And soon or later they'll forget
About me,and thats all
I wrote a letter to my mom
I hope she'll understand
Its not her fault
No,not at all
Myself I apprehend
Within the years they'll face the truth
They have to let me go
But what am I about to lose?
she said Ill lose it all.