Daddy

Last time I saw you, you had your hair tied back

Your clothes fit just right and you were tanned from days of hard work in the sun

You were a strong man, a brave father, and a role model that could do no wrong

I guess thats what every five-year-old sees in their dad

As my life goes on, and I grow older and wiser every year

I realize the falsehood in which you portrayed yourself.

You were not strong, for you could never hold the weight of my world on your shoulders

Bravery was the mask you wore to cover up how much of a coward you really were

And to be looked up to by your own kids was something you took for granted,

Throwing it all away the day you screwed up and were carted off to jail.

Now when I think of you, and remember how much of an idol you were to me.

I want to slap myself for falling into your manipulations.

Letting you lead me to believe you were a changed man and that the day you returned everything would be better.

Well daddy, isn't it funny how some things will never change?

I hope now, as you sit in your small cage, you realize what I have recently figured out.

Your manipulations wont get you anything once people see what you do to them

I read and reread you letters over these years and now I understand what I never did.

Why my mother was so keen on keeping you out of my life as much as possible.

I hate how much I counted on you to pull through and how much you never sufficed.

All the disappointment, all the pain, its something no child should ever have to bear.

When I have children, I hope their father shows no resemblance to you.

And when they ask me Mother, who is my grandfather?

I will answer, No one. And not one feeling of guilt will come over me.

Because I have come to the conclusion, and I know that this is tough to swallow,

But daddy, you were never a real father to me.