by Nelle Jul 27, 2006
category :
Sadness, depression /
lost relationships
Well sissy, I no longer have you in my life. |
Awwwwwwww....thts sad....i lik it....it had a good flow... |
by Rachel
Awwwwww that was really touching, I don't have a sister but a brother who I look up to in that way and it reminded me of him. I loved the 'We dont try we suceed' |
Great job. Good luck :) |
I like this poem, but some of the lines seemed to go on forever. It had great emotion, I just think if you made some of the lines shorter, and more stanzas, there would be better flow. =) 4/5 xoxo |
by Darien
Yeah, it indeed seemed like some rhymes were forced. I think you should cut down some of the words in certain lines too. But you did pour a lot of emotion into this poem. Like all of yours. That is something that I haven't been able to do. Awesome stuff. |