Not my dad

I have no memories of you.. none at all. You died when I was young.. and ever since then I could do nothing but fall. I wish that I could remember your face. I wish all my memories would have never been erased. I wish that I could even remember your smile.. or even if you would have stayed more than a little while. Mommy is so sad..I try and keep her head held high. but she wont talk to me anymore.. all she can do is cry. I know you didn't wanna make us sad.. I bet you didn't wanna leave. I try to forgive god as I pray down on one knee. GOD WHY ME??! DO YOU WANT TO PUT ME THROUGH PAIN?? JUST LOOK AT MY WRISTS AND MY TORN UP VANES.. YOU GOT YOUR WISH .. YOU MADE ME SAD. BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ME.... AND NOT MY DAD.