Very sad, very well expressed, depression is hard to deal with, but there is life after that...i dont know if this is about you, but good luck.

Very good, you did very well in representing a depression deep with in you, i can tell,.. some sadness that seems unseen.. very good.. keep up the good work

Very good. i loved it.

Good!! excellent!

This is pretty good and fairly original- that's good. The second line is my favorite. I have a few suggestions though. You use alot of commas, maybe replace some with periods or other punctuation mark. Also in the third line the word alive makes it all a bit awkward; could you replace it with lively? There are also alot of words such as "the" and "and" that you don't really need in your poem. Also near the end of the poem the rhyme doesnt work with "girl" and "world". Good try, with a little work this will be great.

Very sad and you to have alot of hurt when u wirte poems like this this is a really great poem.

Sarah

I think this is a good poem, i like how deep your poems are and how real keep up the good work

Oh that is Cute! Sad, but cute! I liked it! Good job!

I'll admit I'm not the best at commenting but I love it :) This is a great poem. Sorta sad but I have no complaints. great one!

Tiller

Its really good,kinda sad but i have poems like that too...i loved it,your a great poet:)
*cindie*

You write really good poems, they all have a meaning to them. luved this one though, it was just well written. luved it =)

I really love this poem, It was definately Great, you are quite the poet :).. Hehe Thanks for adding me to your faves.. You rawk :)

I absolutely love this line:

the trees tend to rustle this time of the year,

it's my favorite, although I'm not quite sure why.

This has got to be my favorite poem! The imagery is excellent.

Perfect!

Aww.. this is such a sad poem. You described everything in this so beautifully and its easy to picture. I love the way that you made the surroundings of the girl beautiful, yet she was sad. The slight contrast gave it a very nice effect. Great job on this! 5/5 Keep it up!

This was beautiful! Now this is one of your best poems that I have read. I found no mistakes to my knowledge and it flowed lovely. I could feel all of the emotion behind the pen. Bravo! If you keep writing like this you'll find yourself in my favorites in no time. 5/5

Letty

Girlie Goo,

This is a much better poem than "Misery Hurts". The vision is quite good, the flow is also nice. I think there are some improvements that can be taken care of which I will point out.

First of all the flow and the content of your poem until the last 3 lines gave me a vision of a still image of a girl sitting under trees.... and the like... but the last three lines plunge the vision to motion, the girl moves and movement was not something that I had expected. I n the above context itself, the line

"a young alive girl sits on the grass all alone," tells teh reader that the girl is sitting; then the line

"thats why she lays here head upon the ground," tells him that she has lain down which did confuse me a bit as there was no continuity in the Vision; but thenso lonely so miserable "she lays down and cries,
again the next line " just put me off. How can she lay down again, once she has just lain down.

Also "lays" must be "lies" in the line "thats why she lays here head upon the ground," which would better the language flow. The ending is ok for me, I did not particularly love it but neither did it seem odd. But yes, "softly dies" put me off.

For a suicidal and tragedic poem, your poem has quite a light flow and a nice nature imagery. I would have also liek to see the ending described over say 3 lines rather than that one line.

This was amazing!
I loved the imagery used, and the last line was perfect, so powerful.
5/5

Great work!!...very very well written!...but maybe the better use of punctuations and correcting a few words will make the poem look better thn great!...well...anyways..i guess it has it's own beauty!...Good work on this too!!
5/5!

This was amazing, and it has great imagery

This was so sad and it reminded me of the poems that I started out writing to escape my depression. This was a great poem. *5/5*

Alyson