My homicide is your suicide

I don't know which way to look, to turn,
I feel my insides knot and my heart begin to burn,
My skin turning pale, my lips turning blue,
I wished I never did it, especially to you.

My mind is full of a thousand thoughts, my brain might explode,
I stop a while, I take a breath - I carry on along the road,
I take a glance at the mirror, What did i do?
I divert my eyes, I look back, I look back at you.

I remember your lips, your kind eyes and each rosy cheek,
I feel my stomach drop, from now my life will be bleak,
But I remember the time you hurt me, The days you left me sick,
I remember the tears you made me cry just at the sound of your name, Patrick.

I don't hold any regrets, because thats not what I'm about,
You should have stopped immediately,
when I began to shout,
I wish it was different, and that you never said it was over,
Then I wouldn't have acted like this,
your blood wouldn't be on the wheels of my rover.

You could call me crazy, but Id just give a sigh,
You shouldn't have grasped my arm after, you where such a slimy guy,
Why did you push me, up against that tree,
Why after it was over, did you do that to me?

What where you planning? To kill me and leave?
Just the mere thought of you, begins to make me heave,
Why did you say it, do it, what was your game,
Ill never love another boy, their really all the same.

Maybe you should have killed me, instead of me kill you,
I changed my mind, I'm fine with it, now you've got the clue,
So next time another hurts me not just with their voice,
Again ill ponder on the thought, in self defense whats my choice?