Dawn

by Wings Of Flames   Jul 31, 2006


Bloody smears of the dawn,
To wake from all this sleep,
Yet my eyes are open,
Reality was not to creep,

It scares me all this darkness,
Although I'm told it's light,
This box inside unopened,
Losing everything between fights,

I hear the ringing through me,
It vibrates through my mind,
A sadness I can only see,
Heartlessly in the bind,

The scars will cry again,
Memories shall tell me this,
My heart will cry again,
Forgotten between bliss,

Where has this 'me' been?
I ask the souls around,
Flirting, sucking, bodies,
That lay me beneath the ground.

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  • 18 years ago

    by Natalie

    I really really really liked this poem. I have one minor suggestion though..

    I hear the ringing through me,
    It vibrates through my mind,

    ..With these two lines, you've got the word "Through" twice so close together, maybe try and re-word one of them. But that's up to you. It's still a great poem the way it is now. Keep it up.

    Natalie``

  • 18 years ago

    by Bridgette

    This is really good. I think you should add a little more to it, but that's probably only cause I didn't want it to end. But you described everything very well and the flow was really good. Great job on this! 5/5 Keep it up!

  • 18 years ago

    by Bradley Peter

    I think the thing that stood out most in this poem for me was:

    'It scares me all this darkness,
    Although I'm told it's light'

    I like these lines because so often we believe something is one thing or way, when it's actually another. If that didn't make sense, i'm sorry.

    Brad

    P.S. thank for commenting on my work, i was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me...whitch would be completly understandable by the way.

  • 18 years ago

    by Lady Vengeance

    This is incredible. i love it completely. very you. i love u Emma!!
    -Snoo

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