The 'Killer'

by Wings Of Flames   Aug 1, 2006


Black blood lain between her lips,
I bet it tastes so sweet,
Her polished skin and rusted chain,
And the pine beneath her feet,

The softest kiss I'd ever known,
Yet a coldness maimed with dark,
The roses nestled upon her chest,
When the angels were to hark,

In a room without her light,
The blackest wedding day,
When her heart is sold to the Lord,
And her soul was left to slay,

I cried the tears of a thousand men,
Swore never to love again,
I caressed her limp hand once more,
And felt the drenching of no rain,

I stood for her while she lowered,
Into the depths of creaking ground,
I pushed away the tears I gave,
While my heart began to pound,

I left from the darkness,
But found the blackest black,
It hit me once I fell to sleep,
She's never coming back.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    Oh My God. I LOVED IT. This is one of the most amazing poems I've ever read... Such a unquie (Spellin?) exciting way to explain death! I loved it! Simply amazing!

    xDarkSuicidex 5.5

    This poem should NOT be a 4.4...You should definately be higher, just remember that. Be proud of this piece.

  • 18 years ago

    by Natalie

    I cried the tears of a thousand men,
    Swore never to love again,
    I caressed her limp hand once more,
    And felt the drenching of no rain,

    ^^I loved that stanza, especially the first two lines!

    Again, I have nothing bad to say, I'm liking your poems quite abit, they've got nice imagry, nice flow, rhyming, vocab. Just keep on writing, Emah, you've got some great talent!

    Natalie``

    P.S. I'm sure I've done 6 or 7 now. I'll start on the rest shortly, kay?

  • 18 years ago

    by Wasted Fake Smiles

    Aw how sad:( im so sorry!!!!! ahhhh that's so sad:(!! i cant get over it..haha anyway great work..enuff said. 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Bridgette

    Wow.. that gave me chills. Great job on this! My favorite stanza was:

    I cried the tears of a thousand men,
    Swore never to love again,
    I caressed her limp hand once more,
    And felt the drenching of no rain,

    I loved that part... it really stood out to me. You did a really good job on this. The rhyming was really good and held up well. 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    A great effort, you tell the tale very clearly and know what you want to convey.

    I think you can improve by adding a finite meter to your prose though. You form a solid stanza but do not stick to a set syllable count which can really help the flow of your work.

    For the next two or three poems I would suggest that you stick to eight syllables a line, four lines per stanza and four stanzas to the poem.

    I thin it will help you get to grips with flow and form.

    Great poem.

    Bret

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