When two people connect, it is a way of communicating with one another, it Is a way emotions and opinions can be transferred form one another. Words do not have to be used, therefore awkward situations that may be experienced can be avoided. When associating myself with her, I can feel the fear crawl through my veins and attack each cell within my body. It feels as if spiders are crawling in and out of my capillaries, biting at nerves, this sends impulses to my sponge like brain.
The expansion of my brain is out of control. It is absorbing all words being used within conversations, secrets in which are buried deep inside of me from others, and memories in which I am forced to recall, memories which I do not wish to remember as it causes me to shrink simply into a ball of weakness.
The memories, which I have sharply remembered in a moment of insecurity, re-awake my childhood nightmares. My nightmares, which I experience, consist of him. His face jumps sharply in and out of my mistreated mind. The reason I am awaking these memories is that I am scared of my heart being smashed once again, therefore this reminds me of my code.
The code is simply not to allow a single soul to enter the world, which I suffocate in, also I must not display emotions to the public eye. I allow these thoughts to flash within my mind as I do not wish to become attached to her, however, I am already sensing that it is too late, and that I already am.
I long for her at night, I long for the heat of her body to be transferred into mine, the flesh of two individuals combining to create one. However, there is still a problem, and that problem is me. Due to my labyrinth like thoughts, I felt guilty, I felt as if I was going to hurt her, therefore I ended this journey of lust within myself but not acknowledging this with her.
As a sort of celebration to myself for cancelling another appointment with the broken heart expert. I decided to celebrate by participating in the consumption of alcoholic beverages at the pub, I also took part in the game \\\"breaking hearts\\\". That night I managed to mislead another hopeless soul into my twisted paradise.
I was now in control of my game once again. The position, which I had been thrown into, was no more, I was the leader once again. But at the back of my mind, her smile still lingered there, penetrating my memory glands. I needed her I wanted her. I somehow had become dependant on her, she made me feel as if I were in touch with the world of sanity.
I do not believe in heaven or hell, like the rest of the conservative population. I believe that there is a place of desirable paradise, there is also a world of constant purgatory. When I die I believe I will be admitted into that world purgatory, to repent all my sins.
The sins in which I must face are those of abnormal actions. My insecurity causes me to associate myself with negative activities, which will eventually cause me to commit a sin of some nature. The infinite network of human connections, which I am now inviolved with, suggests that I am making my acceptance to the world of purgatory far easier
My tenuous grip on reality is becoming even more extreme, I may of come out of my depression but I am sinking deeper and faster into this world of constant insanity. When lying on my bed I can feel the sheets sucking me into the layers of man made fibre, I can feel myself suffocating, my lungs begin to shrink form the pressure.
