The beginning

PUNCTUATION!!!!!

and dont abbreviate 'you'

there are some good metaphors in here but wihtout punctuation it is meaningless

Nicely written. i liked it
the flow was a little shaky
the end came a little too quickly though
~HazE

I like it one of the better dark oems ive read, keep it up

Very stark. I liked the imagery although agree it could be alittle longer. I liked the short sharp format although the flow seemed a little uneasy.
All in all an interesting and enjoyable poem.

It has a goodbase, but the rythme jumps throught out the intire poem, i couldnt get into it very well, but the ending was good. it pulled the poem together perfectly.