This is extremely good am surprised no one has read it yet i will let poeple know so you can get more comments ok

but i think it could have been much longer as the end came on quite quick an i was enjoying it nice though :):) keep it up :) would you read some of my poems please huni xxx thnx xxx alex xxx

It has a goodbase, but the rythme jumps throught out the intire poem, i couldnt get into it very well, but the ending was good. it pulled the poem together perfectly.

Very stark. I liked the imagery although agree it could be alittle longer. I liked the short sharp format although the flow seemed a little uneasy.
All in all an interesting and enjoyable poem.

I like it one of the better dark oems ive read, keep it up

Nicely written. i liked it
the flow was a little shaky
the end came a little too quickly though
~HazE

PUNCTUATION!!!!!

and dont abbreviate 'you'

there are some good metaphors in here but wihtout punctuation it is meaningless