I wish for you

I hate you so much
I wish I could just rip out your guts
I wish I could make you feel the pain I feel everyday
For it to stay inside of you and never go away
To make you not be able to sleep at night
For your mind to be telling you something
But your heart still putting up a fight
to want to just kill yourself so the memories would just go away
But to see your son and decide to stay
For me to be as cold as you have been with me
Only if this could be