Dreams

by BrokenSmile   Aug 4, 2006


I dream of a big house,
with a little mouse,
and a big back yard,
but I'll have to work hard.

i dream of a nice holiday,
but I'd have to pay.

i dream of good news,
but i always loose.

i dream of being smart,
as quick as a dart,
but I'm so thick,
it makes me sick.

i dream of being able to teach,
but that's out of my reach.

i dream of being in love,
being someone's precious dove,
but i can tell it's fate,
I'll never have that engagement date.

i dream a dream,
a flowing stream,
of dream after dream,
but to me they seem,
too far away,
too much to pay,
happiness cost's a lot,
something which i haven't got.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by LadyPearl

    Good Start! But now, I'll get picky:

    "Loose" should be "lose"
    Try to captalize your "i." It's not it's Extremely important, but it helps readers.

    Expand your vocab, don't use "fill words" and repetition too much.

    Your rhymes sound forced. In some places, it takes away the effect of the poem. It always bother's it's readers.

    Hope I've helped ^-^