Good Start! But now, I'll get picky:

"Loose" should be "lose"
Try to captalize your "i." It's not it's Extremely important, but it helps readers.

Expand your vocab, don't use "fill words" and repetition too much.

Your rhymes sound forced. In some places, it takes away the effect of the poem. It always bother's it's readers.

Hope I've helped ^-^