Enduring the Pain

I agree with Justin and Jenn

forcing a poem never helps you grow from the pain of whats happened, or writing a good poem.

it's o.k to just greive for a while, let the writing sit aside for a while, yes writing does help during hard times, it can be a way of releasing emotion and reservations and things you didn't realize you felt. but when thats not ready to come out, things just don't work.

This is a great subject to write about, a very hard one to do though at the same time. it's a double edged sword trying to write out your feelings but to not seem too redundant and ....corny isn't the word I'm looking for but maybe you get what I mean.

I suggest looking at published poets and seeing if they have poems on death, grief and suicide to gather insperation and to have those examples in mind to help you release your feelings but still create a poem everyone can relate to on every level.

good idea, keep working on it and the real poem thats hiding in there, the one that will wow your readers will come out.

[WIP]

I agree with Jenn. This poem does seem forced, it doesn't seem like you were inspired...Did you just feel like writiing a poem about something that you felt dearly about? Or did your heart, mind, and soul, force you to absent-mindingly write a poem about something you felt dearly about? Anyways, if it was the first one, then this poem was forced...

Now, forcing a poem really lowers the value of the peom all together, it doesn't seem directly from the heart, like it has a thin layer of plastic on it's words..this could be removed with a simple re-write after ebing re-inspired..

Anyways, content wise this is a good poem, although it was not creative with a topic that is over-used..

The ending was weak, but altogether I'm sure this poem could get a 4 rating, but I'm going to vote 5..

Nice poem, keep up the good work, and I hope to read more poems by you in the future.

The story is heart breaking but the poem seems a bit forced, if this is true then you have to allow your self time to greive. and don't measure your words so much, just..let it all out you know? its a good poem but I know somewhere within you is a great poem that will blow all your readers away. I would help edit this, but that is something you need to do your self. And just remember when someone takes their own life you cannot blame your self. no if I where there or what have you. they felt it would solve a temp. problem. and I hope you see the desvistation of being left behind can be and choose not to do that same to those who love you.

Could I have meant nothing
Or were you just selfish,

the answer is they were selfish.. I'm sorry