Why..?

Every memory I remember is a pain I try to forget,
Every cut to my wrist leaves a scar of regret,
Every tear from my eye's like poison down my face,
Every drink I take down spins my world out of place,
and no matter the amount my heart cannot overlook,
all the memories from my past and the years that it took,
It kills me that I cant live up to what you want me to be,
That I cant let go of your memory I keep inside me,
So many times I'd smile and many times I'd cry,
But I never understood what i was doing and why,
now i find myself lying to the ones I love most,
Pulling back from the world, feeling so ashamed and lost,
deep inside me there are things I've never told,
and I'm here with nothing left to show, no one left to hold,
why does everyone feel like my enemy? why do I feel so alone...?