I sit here,
Fighting back these urges,
That I can't give into.
I have a baby on the way,
I can't indulge in my wishes anymore.
She's my world now,
My everything,
And I'm going to be hers.
I can't slack off,
Can't give in,
Can't give up,
As much as I'd like to.
I wish I could drag that blade,
Across my skin.
I wish I could wrap that rope,
Around my kneck and hang from it.
I wish I could take that gun,
To my head.
I wish I could empty that bottle,
Into my mouth.
I just want to end it all,
But I can't.
I feel so lost....
So alone.
To me,
It's the worst feeling in the world,
Worse than anything you could imagine.
It tears at my heart,
At my soul,
At my spirit,
At my mind.
I wish I could drag that blade,
Across my skin.
I wish I could wrap that rope,
Around my kneck and hang from it.
I wish I could take that gun,
To my head.
I wish I could empty that bottle,
Into my mouth.
I just want to end it all,
But I can't.
I lay here,
Hour after hour,
And it's all I can do,
Not to pick up that blade.
It's all I can manage,
To not take those pills,
To not drown myself in the bathtub.
It takes all of my strength,
And will power to not carry out these wishes.
I just keep reminding myself,
Of my beautiful little baby.
I wish I could drag that blade,
Across my skin.
I wish I could wrap that rope,
Around my kneck and hang from it.
I wish I could take that gun,
To my head.
I wish I could empty that bottle,
Into my mouth.
I just want to end it all,
But I can't.
All I ask,
Is for this feeling to leave,
To be purged from my body.
For my heart not to ache like this,
For my soul not to weep,
And my mind not recede into itself.
That's all I ask......
