This is for you mom

Dear mom & other people who come across this letter,

Ive been thinking, talking, living, in the image of death for so long I'm ready to take the next step and feel it. Most people who are considering killing them selves don't blame there friend or family but I'm a different story, they are the reason why i jumped out of my 3rd story window last spring, they are the reason why i drink at night, they are the reason why i cut my self, they are the reason why i OD on pills last weekend. Most people think everyone happy unless you EMO or goth but I'm none of that, in fact if you'd see me you'd think i have the perfect life, money, blond hair, the abercrombie clothing, but I'm the farthest thing from perfect. my entire life is a big fake smile and I'm tired of it. As i pop the last bottle of pills that are in my hand right now i realize that my life is nothing no body else would ever want to have, looks are never what they are anyone can squeeze them selves into a size 2 jeans and wear a push up bra but you know what I'm tired of that life, I'm ready to give up and i don't want to go on a another day like this. my mom always told me i was never pretty enough, my teeth where never white enough, my skin was always ugly, my hair was always not straight enough, but you know what mom, i will never ever be that pitcher perfect daughter. i hope you see this because by the time you get this i wont be here...hows that for you perfect daughter you can never call me names again, and you know what i will eat so much food ill get fat and not look perfect in those polos that you always make me wear..hows that for a perfect daughter, perfect life, perfect family...i have had to redefine life, my life will never be the same anymore, and the sad thing is I've been waiting for this moment for my entire life...I'm ready, i think i am, oh too late...