LOSE CONTROL

by TheWorldFellNUWerentThere   Aug 8, 2006


~~Please dont comment on me and saying that you didnt understand what this meant. I really dont know why I wrote this but I thought it was pretty good.. Please dont be so harsh on commenting!~~

The clouds were rolling in tonight
Rolling past the moon so softly
The sky was like darkness in your dreams
It looked like shattered glass on air
When long streaks of lighting tare through it
I was standing on the sidewalk
And rage came through me like a knife
The rage to lose control of myself
And discover torn pieces of me that
Eventually fell apart in the past
Close my eyes and thoughts begin
The pain that raped me rip beyond my fingers
Im living this nightmare again
But it feels so good to lose control
To finally have the one night stand again
To feel the power rush through me
To feel the pulse in my veins
A smile creases into my face knowing I won tonight
Sadly knowing Id have to wait
Another unbearable day until I can lose control again
But for now control creeps back to me
With one last cut

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Ashla

    GREAT POEM! 5/5

    i loved how you did this:

    Close my eyes and thoughts begin
    The pain that raped me rip beyond my fingers
    Im living this nightmare again
    But it feels so good to lose control
    To finally have the one night stand again
    To feel the power rush through me
    To feel the pulse in my veins
    A smile creases into my face knowing I won tonight

  • 18 years ago

    by twisted reality

    Wow. So random...sounds like me lol. Very good flow, I thought, and I liked the randomness of it =P 5/5 xoxo

    Samantha

  • 18 years ago

    by Kaylee

    Now this poem had different imagery, which is a good thing, but you might want to comb it through for reptitive words. Like is a word that I often stumble over and to me it messed with an otherwise decent flow. You also have the word rolling twice in two sentences close together.

    You have rolling as in present tense but later on was which is past tense. Try and keep to one tense to not confuse your readers.

    Check for grammar (Im should be I'm) and using sentences such as "It feels so good" which could be made into soemthing much more descriptive.

    All in all an alright poem.

  • 18 years ago

    by Just Lucy

    I loved it, you really have a talent for writing exactly how you feel down!!! great job!!!

    xoxo Lucy

  • 18 years ago

    by The Lonely Rose

    Wow.....i liked it alot......its sorta scares me though.....a lil but i liked it a 5/5 4 me !! keep on writing!!

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