I have always seen my life in stages
And I have always seen these stages
As flowers
I remember the time
When I wished I could trade my sunny warm summer-like winters
For the eternal ice
That covered me like a new frost on a single red rose
And I wished I had remembered better
The days when I was a little rose
Always looking like it'd never last another day
But every morning it was still there
Days before I became so much of a sunflower
Constantly hunting out the light
Following the warmth that surrounded me
Becoming what I had forbidden myself to
Something so drawn to perfection
That it was ready to follow anyone
Who promised it a warm embrace
At the end of the day
But those rose red days I had seemed so lost
Like any sign that I was alive
Had sunken to the bottom of the ocean
And without my compass
I felt awkward in amongst my myself
Where around me
Happiness was spreading like daisies
But going nowhere
The reality of what I had been
And what I was no more
Came up on my blind spot
And showed itself unexpectedly
As the dark poems from my dark days
Were the ones I lifted from my floor
Trailing a scent of blood in the air
And they seemed so foreign
Compared to days
When I began to move through my life
As softly and evenly
As water runs through a bed of smooth dark rocks
I sat in thought for hours yesterday
Realizing now
That I have become a lily
Pearly porcelain white, like clouds
Words falling off my smile like silk sheets
Slipping delicately into the water
Only seeking shelter every so often
A safe haven
From the cold westerly winds
And though I keep silent as the dawn
My half broken smile
Shows me
That in my half broken heart
Something is working
Something is mending the torn seam
Still there are times
When no one can convince me I've been standing
Because I feel so completely upside down
But I still think of him
On cold days
When the world turns its back
Time I've spent contemplating my life
I finally know was all wasted
But now I am ready to live my life
As if this was the last day left to live
No regrets
But that's not true, I should say
That I hope to end up with all the right regrets
And all the best mistakes
Now I am ready to live my life
As the strong, brave, lily I have matured to
Planted as a seed I was
A morning glory
Such a forget-me-not
Bloomed into a quiet pansy
Kind of grew taller
Became somewhat of a violet
Sprouting new ideas
Creating a fall back plan for every move
Made by the warm spring wind
Began my descent to a red rose
No thorns to my defense
I made it through that year
Felt
Accomplished almost
Let that security go to my head
Turned to the sun
Here blossomed a sunflower
So proud, so thankful for the lack of red
Let myself be loved
By the wrong person
Sought shelter under a willow tree
Only to be dripped on with sadness
With trouble
Golden petals wilted
In a familiar feeling of rosedom
All the troubles of yesteryears
Darkened the brilliant green stalks
And velvet brown eyes
I ran half way across the world
To escape reentering darkness
Saw some sort of revelation
Came to a decision
Set a goal
Met a boy and fell in love
Came home, saw things in a different light
Watched my yellow petals
Bleach white with integrity
Shaped the soft sound of bells
And waited to be cast into the water
Now I am prepared
To be let go
To be alone and to find my dreams on the doorstep
This may sound crazy
I will be okay now I think
So whatever's left to endure
I can close my eyes and smile
Not be as violently shaken
Now,
I am ready
To grow up tall to the sky
Touch the clouds
And bask in the warm light
Of the new summer sun...
