Wow......awsome!!! ur really an awsome poet!!!! keep on writing!!

Wow, I really like your style in this one a lot. Great imagery and choice of words. Excellent poem, 5/5 from me! :)

Ooh another teenage poem, what can I say?... I'll push the cliche aspect aside for a second and say I think you need a new computer/keyboard lol.
The flow was good, and the "trapped in time" idea was thought provoking, and emotional in a dark way.
Some critisisms....I don't understand the second stanza. You jump from death to first breath in a matter of two lines, it doesn't fit to me.
Stanza five you talk about the box. There is a key, and keys unlock things not unwrap them, that doesn't make sense.
I think all you need is a little rewording here and there, and then this will be fine. Well actually it'll be rather good for this category.
Thanks for sharing.
Oh and thanks for reading mine :)

Well I think you must look pretty far to get any critque from me, your poems are some of the best I've read and I am not really that easily amazed;D

Wow. That was..Just...Wow.
Omg. I don't know what to say this poem was amazing! :]

Wow this was really good! I loved it so much. I loved the way it ryhemed and flowed 5/5

Wow you did an amazing job on this. very good imagery in it and it was full of emotion. very well written. keep it up! 5/5

~Kristina

Wow, i did'nt think It was possible to have a poem, rhyme and flow so perfectly, but I guess It Is. i especially love the last stanza.
well done, Love
~She Died Screaming

Very very good poem u have here 5/5

Very nice poem. A couple of times, the rhyming is out of sync. If you can just ocncentrate more on rhysming it would be ossum.

But I love very much was that your lines are so short and yet the meaning that you have put forth through them is just right enough to be shouldered by those words.

Very great poem! Full of emotion and grasp the readers attention and gets them interested. 5/5! Keep up the great work up.

God Bless,
Taylor

Great poem!!....i was gonna give u a 4/5 but u used a word way too big for me to even start to comprehend(word was astride)...lol so i gave u a 5....

jk it was a very good write

You mix past and present tense in this poem and it makes it disjointed. It appears to work best in the present, so I would advise making a changes accordingly. You're tavelling through time, remember, everything is happening right now.

Each stanza is good in its own right but you're not telling me a story, there is no start, middle and end, it feels more like a collection of ideas the link together.

In the first stanza you say you own the world, but how can that be if you're a slave to someone elses deeds?

What can you do to make this a complete tale?

Bret

This was beautiful and i loved the imagination behind it, the way you ended was great, an angel trapped in time. that was beautiful

Wonderful... a great poem... wid strong words, a smooth flow and incredible rhyme... 5/5 for me... it was really great... cant think of any more words... hmm.. my fave stanza was the last one... it was just great... keep writing!

~angel~

Wow that was a beatiful poem!! It was more than excellent will ever get! It had alot of feeling and emotions i loved it it was great!

You never cease to amaze me...I can't believe you're only fifteen! Such a talented and skilled writer, I think you have the potential of writing for money one day ;)....seriously haha. Imagery was very well done in this, and, as usual, so was the beat.

Wow.. just wow.. I'm speechless but wow.. lol .. this poem was great!

That was really deep. Yu are a VERY talented writer. I will be also be adding *you* to my favorites list. I just added someone else earlier. =] I can tell you put a lot of thought into your poetry and I admire that. Keep it up.

>black&&blue

This is my favourite so far, I always enjoy your use of imagery in your work.
You really know how to drag the reader into the poem.
Well done.