Aching for your touch
But, I know that you'll never be here
I know you'll never be able to hold me
The way I wish you could
But I need someone to hold me
When I fall to the ground on my knees
When I feel so hopeless without you
And I just need you here with me
But remembering you aren't here
Makes me a crying heap on the floor
Your words are there to comfort me
But that can never replace the feeling
Of being safe in your arms
Where I need to be right now
Is away from my own self-harm
I'll write your name on the bullet
Load the gun with it
I'll write a suicide note
About how you were never here
How I never felt your hugs
Or how you said you'd put your sweet lips to mine
Without your touch I was lost anyways
So I'll stick the gun to my head
Pull the trigger, unafraid
Knowing you were the last thing through my mind
From the many miles away
You'll hear the gun shot and my fall
And how my life was over
Because you weren't here at all
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You won't see my name online
You'll get that feeling in your heart
You will have to know something is wrong
So in your car you'll leave late at night
And not care how long it takes to get there
You'll drive to my house
The one where no one cared
The doorbell might ring with a late answer
Since I'm not there to answer
You will ask for me, the love of your life
Able to see the nervous anticipation, to see if I'm okay
But I'm not
I told you I would never be okay
I was right
You see me dead
And you fall to your knees
"Why couldn't I be there to hold her?"
The bullet through my head
Is now lodged in the door
You see your name on it and start to cry
The white paper sticking out of my hand
Will read when read:
"FORGETTING THE FEELING OF NEVER BEING HELD"
