Anger

Perfect life or so you have forced me to decide
Sometimes I wonder if I’m even alive
Heat from the flames beats against my back
What’s it that I cannot be? What do I lack?
My mentor has eyes of the deepest red
At this point I can’t recall what she said
The mind that leads me is spinning
Whirlwind of direction determines the sinning
A sky of dust has left me blinded
Lessons that you taught me have been binded
The book of the holy mocks me to my face
Broken trust left without the faintest trace
If I can’t rely on myself, who can guide me?
Who should open my eyes to what I have not seen?
I’ve lost so much of my life, no matter what I do
Can’t stop reliving all you put me through
Sick of the attention of who they think I am
I want to be somewhere else, not this land
Far away but not at all where you think
No, not me…not another teen searching for a drink
Shut up, don’t feed me: “I told you so”
I don’t owe you anything, you never let me grow
This world has become rusty but why should I care?
I cannot judge the unpredictable who, when and where
In the afterlife you won’t find me, I’ll be in-between
Living somewhere lost; maybe that’s not what I mean
You’ve got me caught in a trap of misguided lies
Sometimes I wonder if I’m seeing with my own eyes
What is considered to be important eludes me
What I need; I wonder how that can be
You seem to know me better than I know myself
But all your assumptions keep you on a shelf
Closed mind, empty thoughts of false interpretations
Robots belonging to specific predestined stations
No imagination of what once was and when to stop
Keep going until even the leaders of this land drop
Designed to explain how to carry on living
Telling you exactly when and what you should be giving
Some distant land offended our hopeless hearts
So you mark them down upon your charts
But I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Forced to kill some stranger on a polluted shore
I know uncalculated revenge is against my belief
Beyond that, thinking gives me too much grief
And I wonder why I feel this need to scream
At times I feel it may be part of your scheme
Why can’t I make up my mind?
It’s like I’m too scared to leave you behind
I know one thing; I don’t trust myself with you
Maybe I blame too much on others, which could be true
But I need to be far away, I do better alone
Give me back my life; I can do this on my own
Under so much tension, I feel there’s so much to lose
The hardest part is knowing I have to choose
When to stop, when to follow my instincts-leave my heart behind
Change my future, let you go-stop, rewind
Is this truly what’s best for both of us?
Should we let this chance slowly fade to dust?
Stuck on the outside, unable to convince myself of
The choices I must make in determining love
Watching how the stars sit patiently in the darkness
Compared to my pathetic life, do they see bliss?
I want to be somewhere else, but my mind is sand
I hate when you say you don’t understand

I wrote this poem in about 15 minutes today when I was EXTREMELY ANGRY ...So I hoped you enjoyed stepping into the mind of a very angry person :)