Omg, that was absolutely amazing. the concept was great and i can tell that u really took at least some sort of time to make this. i liked it alot and im actually gonna print it off and put it into a collection of some of my favorite poems...i loved that one..u hav some awesome skills...the metaphors u used were clear too, thats very good.
love ya lots,
sore

That was incredible. I liked the feeling it passed along. I dont know how to describe it. It was almost that feeling of sinking and watching others sink around you. Truly good work

In line two, the syllabic count is less and thus it affects the flow in that stanza, in line 5 is/are its a grammar prob! Another thing is that you have repeatedly used breath,it creates an impression that you are lacking in words and it just has the same content, so its redundant. Use some new words.

If this one's structured, it would be very cool!

CMPINC 3.5

This is a very sad and emotional poem. Its also very beautiful as well. I gave it a 5/5. I don't relaly have much to say about it apart from it was a really gud write, i really enoyed reading it.

x

Really nice poem... I like it :D
Keep up this good work

~ Sumit Ojha

Great poem. Wonderfully written. Good choice of words. This is a deep write with such marvelous descriptions. You expressed your emotions beautifully.
The flow was good for the most part but the last two lines are too long which throughs off the flow. If you made the lines shorter that'll surely fix that problem.
Also, I loved how you repeated "fire", "smoke" and "breath". That really emphasied those words and made them more powerful.

Great Job of this. 5/5

Take Care!

-Shannon <3

This is a great poem. Unique, and wonderfully written. The setting in which you gave the message was very interesting. I quite enjoyed reading this piece. A few things to look at:

It's getting harder and harder to breath.
(Breath should be 'breathe')

Our throats are swollen and we find it hard to breath.
(Breath should be 'breathe')

You're on the ground gasping for breathe.
(Breathe should be 'breath')

Nice work!
Take Care,
Smiles,
*N

Nice poem thanks for your comment on "Dinner on the run"