Wow, I like how you compared it to ice cream. Hehe

Umph! It took off the end of my post! Anyway, I said I like how compared it and I like the fact that this poem is an original and different from all the other poems on this site. Your originality to me is what makes you an excellent writer! Keep writing! 5/5

Steph

Ur poems are all very unique... i like them, they all differ from 1 another and are very powerfully written, u have a way with words that makes it easy to understand.

Wow, very well written. I loved it. I have one word of advice though,

This line...

"but my hear will not go through"

I believe you meant Heart instead of "hear"

Ciao, Joe

I liked this.
It was intertesting to see how you compared it to ice cream, very original in concept and a joy to read.

I really like the way oyuve compared it to ince cream. A very intresting idea. Unique. Your an excellent writer! Keep them up! I cant wait to read more! xx

Awww!!!! This poem is sweet and the ending is sad. I loved the flow of it and I loved the imagery of it. I only saw a few grammer error's that you need to fix, I understand why you placed this in the love department, because obviously the love of the Ice cream is a metaphor for your love of a person, but I think that you could have used a little more emotion in this poem. Don't get me wrong! I am not contradicting myself, I do think that this is a great poem. I just think that you need to tighten up a few loose ends to make the poem exactly what you wanted it to be. Keep up the great work, 5/5

Best wishes
Letty

This is quite nice, i really enjoyed reading it! got a lil sad at the end:( but it was still a great poem. i liked your word choice, and also your rhyming is pretty much flawless
btw, i really like your poems' titles! very creative:)

Emmmm@->-

Good poem.

For starters, I liked the theme you used in this poem, it was an unrequited love poem very different to what is the "norm". It was a clever theme to use and upon rereading it, I really noticed the underlying subject of the write in the lines.

My pet peeve would be the punctuation, personally, I found it disrupted the reading and interrupted the flow. The commas and exclamation mark were fine, but I thought the full stops were unneccesary and, like I said, disruptive.

I enjoyed this poem, it was refreshing that the theme wasn't so obvious.

Keep writing, and I hope this is useful to you.

katie!
xxxx

This is really unique .
Loved the whole 'ice cream' thing . Very different and clever . I enjoyed this very much .
..ღ__MiNDYY

This was a very well created poem, lol It really drew me into it by the fact that you compare love to ice cream. I loved it. . . 5/5

Wow...good job. i liked how it was suttle, in a way, because its not until the end that you reveal the real message behind your poem...its one of those poems you have to read twice but it was a joy. i dont have to mention how unique it was and what a great idea it was, but i guess i just did. keep it up!

Wow.. this poem was written very well...

HI you said you wanted critique so i will give my opinion
i love the original topic but your grammer is very bad [no offence] you shouldent force word in to make them fit try to find away around or change the whole line of poem if neccessary to make the rhyme fit and make the poem tight
here is an example that you can use if you like as it doesn't add or change much in your poem

I love ice cream
I absolutly do!
my head says no
but i cant follow through.

Its appearence is so luscious
in a sensory costume
its flavours so alluring
i long for more to consume

if ice cream could show affection
it would make my heart leap
but i know that it can never be more
than just my favorite treat

you'r welcome to use this if you like as it doesn't change your story line just tightens it up.keep up the good work.

I will vote at a later date if thats ok.

Hi lashes, thanks for your opinion. It was helpful. But I won't use your example, because I believe tightening it up would take out some of the emotion supposed to be displayed in this poem. If you come back and see that there's little to no changes in the poem, I just hope you see this comment. ^^;

I like this one. its well written. and i like how you compared it to ice cream :) great job