Satins Temptation

by -The-Undying-   Aug 19, 2006


Drip... drip... drip.
The blade digs to deep as my hand begins to slip.
" CAN SOMEONE GRAB SOME GAUZE ", its right by my whip.
Just take this broken razor and cut me a strip.

The dark angel of death soon spoke.
Darkness trembled through the house as I began to choke.
Death has come for you, the juggernaut said.
He will leave you broke, with a bullet inside your head.
He will provoke until there is no more to be blood to be shed.

Satin lunged to wards the juggernaut.
He screamed out " with love your soul can't be bought ".
Do my evil bidding, and your death will be stopped.
Pick up were I left off, and your sins will all be dropped.

So there I was, under corruption.
The devil by my side, I spoke up with interruption.
Satanic words came out of my mouth with certain eruption.

I do not dabble with pity crimes.
I work for Lucifer, I fack with peoples minds.
You will most likely read about me in the New York times.
You will read the anarchy that bleeds out of these lines

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  • 18 years ago

    by Gabi

    I loved this poem it's so good! 5/5 Keep up the good work and please comment on some of my poems!!! Thanks!

  • 18 years ago

    by Marina

    THIS IS AMAIZEING!!! i have read a bit of your things before adn this i have to say is by far the best i have read sofar... i LOVE this... and i know waht its like, honestly.. anyways, check out some of my stuff...
    -Marina

  • 18 years ago

    by Amanda

    Deep poem with such a great way to capture the readers attention. I enjoyed reading this piece. Well done :)

  • 18 years ago

    by twisted reality

    Ok...I gave you a 4/5.

    1) The flow wasn't all that terrific. You could work on it a little more. Maybe either smaller words to describe things, or possibly take out words that aren't at all needed. It would make the poem a lot easier to read. =)

    2) I thought it seemed like you were just putting words together, and putting some words at the end of lines just for the rhyming scheme. Try not to rhyme so much. Poems don't have to rhyme to be good. =)

    Keep it up! Great write! Hope I didn't offend you lol. Take it or leave it. =) xoxo 5/5

    Samantha

  • 18 years ago

    by Aline

    Well, 4/5 u know?i dont put excellent unless it is WAW u know wat i mean, so 4/5 is something great for me, so u got 4/5, u showed me a great msg, ok i'll read abt ulol :) good one

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