Today words seem useless
Merely sounds with no meaning
That are cast into the air
And then forgotten,
The people around me
Urge me to be social
Smile child! Speak,
But I will not
Because internally I cannot
For I would only be throwing
Thin lies in front of them,
They do not understand
Why I do not smile
Why I stay silent
And observe,
They do not know
That a war inside of me wages
One that tears me in two
And tortures me so,
On one side there is the urge
To masquerade who I am
To be a false actress
On the stage of this material world,
The other side is the part of me
That wishes to remain unheard in the shadows
Wallowing in my own tears
The ones of my own self pity
For the wrongs done against me,
How I ask myself
Did I become this way?
What event was it
That turned me into this woeful creature?
If you were to look through my eyes
You would see a bleak world
One where tears flood the sky
And a heart that always bleeds,
Every hope I ever get
Becomes trampled by uncaring feet
But of course they have not seen
The darkness lurking within,
In the world of my mind it is always night
Where the moon cast shadows on everything
And I, scared of my dreary thoughts
Hide in the outline of the trees
And stare at the stars above,
Eventually the night becomes tiring
And sometimes I hope for a sunrise
For something good for once
To finally happen to me,
Though my few sunrises are short lived
And quickly fall behind the horizon
My dreams turn again to fantasies
Once more slipping from my grip,
As I watch the sun disappear
Falling into a shade of black
I fear that I was meant
To roam the world alone,
Walking along with a melancholy tune in my heart
The music of my gloomy life
A tune that is unlikely to cease
Or understood by anyone besides myself,
I shall wander the universe of my thoughts
A population of one
In my own, twisted mind
Starring at a never-ending night sky,
But for now I will journey through life
Seen but unheard
Watching the people around me
Live fake lives,
While I am lost
In a world that has never seen
Behind my painted mask.
