Can I Make You Happy

Nice poem once again....im just responding to the comment to my poem....Happiness and getting better can crash within an instant....i am no longer happy and no longer gettting better..that was just a poem in the past...

~*Jazzy~*

Very good drake...
you are a great/amazing/awesomeness writer...

Very good drake...
you are a great/amazing/awesomeness writer...

Another great poem,
you are truly a great writer.

The problem I see is structure. Each line is too long, and if you break them up and make them shorter then it will help. You could try breaking them up like:

I think its amazing
how people can love without a care
when the one I love
always in trouble

Another thing that bothers me, and it might be a typo, is the loss of a valuable word in that line. The word Is that should go in between always and love. If you wanted to keep it short or some thing, then you could easily go with “’s” and it won’t loose anything but will still sound good. If you break up your poem it will give it rhythm, with rhythm it’s more poemy and smooth. How it is now it seems more like thoughts, but it’s not far from poem form.

Don’t be afraid to use commas in your poems either. I use them, and it makes them look better to say the least, and you always see the poem and it’s structure before you read it… Your poem doesn’t suck, it just lacks structure, and with it your poetry can become very great… You’re writing and thoughts have great potential to become good poems, you just need to put it into some thing that gives it more of a rhythm. Rhyming can help to, as lines that are too long but still rhyme are easier to ketch as to long and change….

If that all makes any sense. :)

~Purple~