Twinkle Twinkle

by Kaylee   Aug 21, 2006


Quiet breathing inhaling scent of a charged atmosphere
Creeking chains brush metal poles with a clatter, squeak
[Whoosh] I stumble in my prayer, confession on tongue

Twinkle twinkle little star avoiding lightning strikes you are
Up above the world so high, terrified fading light would die
[Whoosh] Raindrops sliding length of a carved angel stone

It directs towards a fork, spitting, sputtering, in the night
Imprinting slanted footsteps against stable Heaven sky
[Whoosh] Tarnished woman lying beneath uncertain rain

Twinkle twinkle little star avoiding lightning strikes you are
Up above the world so high, terrified fading light would die
[Whoosh] Final slap from his alcoholic storm

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Kenny

    Absolutely lovely and fantastic! Love it really,
    full of vusualization! Great work!

  • 17 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    Ooh! I remember reading this piece back when it was first submitted, on my other account. Lovely! I liked it just as much this go-round as the last. Wonderfully penned. Keep it up!

  • 18 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    Terrified fading light would die

    terrified is a good word, but the wrong choice for flow. Staying simple isn't always a bad thing.

    scared the fading light would die

    would keep the flow smooth without the extra syllable that terrified adds (you have to scrunch it in to fit).

    Very nice play on existing work.

    Bret

  • 18 years ago

    by Leslie

    Whoa that was powerful. that last line is a blow, its so strong and just, wow, good job. that was a thrill. my only thing is you might want to rethink your spacing a little but besides from that, that was powerful. that was real poetry with feeling.

  • 18 years ago

    by David

    Good, rhythym, good rhyming, well done! :):):)

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