[Whoosh] I stumble in my prayer, confession on the tongue

I've never seen a poem use an onomontipia..I loved that you did that! It was awesome and I might have to take that up one day in a poem!! Excelent write! Brianna pointed out my favorite part as well!! I love your poems...excellent stuff here!
Krissey

"Twinkle twinkle little star avoiding lightning stikes you are"
['strikes']

"Raindrop sliding the length of a carved angel stone"
['raindrops']

Also, you spelled 'whoosh' differently the 3rd and 4th time. Purposely?

Kaylee, you described everything to a tee in this one. Every single action, the setting. It was very easy to imagine the scenario. Really good stuff Kaylee.. [Whoosh]

[Whoosh] I stumble in my prayer, confession on tongue

[[ I loved that line. Wow. Nicely worded. ]]

This poem was great, Kaylee. I always love the way you describe everything and set everything out. The flow in this piece was GREAT. I just loved the whole poem and everything about it. Keep it up! 5/5

Natalie``

Very well written, i like your [Whoosh] bits..adds great effect.
its deep to, the pain hidden behind a beautifully written poem..keep it up

october xx

I'm not sure I got the whole depth of the poem, but I really liked it nonetheless. The imagery was amazing as was your choice of wording. Nicely done.

xDarkSuicidex 5.5

Wow. This has to be my favorite poem of yours so far. You would be great at short stories and perhaps even novels if you tried, I would be willing to bet. Who knows, you may have even already tried that out. lol I like how you altered "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".

That was really good, it stood out, and the [whoosh] parts gave it more feeling.
It was a good set-up and I liked how you repeated the second stanza at the end.
It was very well done.
xxxxx

Good, rhythym, good rhyming, well done! :):):)

Whoa that was powerful. that last line is a blow, its so strong and just, wow, good job. that was a thrill. my only thing is you might want to rethink your spacing a little but besides from that, that was powerful. that was real poetry with feeling.

Terrified fading light would die

terrified is a good word, but the wrong choice for flow. Staying simple isn't always a bad thing.

scared the fading light would die

would keep the flow smooth without the extra syllable that terrified adds (you have to scrunch it in to fit).

Very nice play on existing work.

Bret

Ooh! I remember reading this piece back when it was first submitted, on my other account. Lovely! I liked it just as much this go-round as the last. Wonderfully penned. Keep it up!

Absolutely lovely and fantastic! Love it really,
full of vusualization! Great work!