As I sit here and I look around,
Not a single friend by my side is found.
So I sit here and I just start thinking.
There's a lump in my throat, and my chest is sinking.
Lets think about the stuff that went on.
Things that happened through out my life.
About how and why my smiles are gone
And about why I am living in strife.
First there was my aunt, who died,
The pain of cancer, all night I cried.
She was outgoing, fun to be around,
She is gone, the funeral over, her body lies in the ground.
Then my grandpa, he died too.
Two special people in my life, gone in one week, I didn't know what to do.
My grandpa was happy, and was always there.
Big and cuddly, like a warm teddy bear.
Then there was my mom and her drinking,
She drank everyday, all night; I don't know what she was thinking.
At times when I was younger and needed her to be there.
She was out at her friends, I felt like she didn't care.
Then that horrible night that I'll never forget.
Now the pain I hold inside, I'm filled with so much regret.
I came home, and there she lied on the floor.
She, tried to take her own life, the hate that I felt, I tried to ignore.
She was in the hospital for three months on the psychiatric floor,
I felt like my mom didn't want or care about me anymore.
I knew my mom was depressed, but I never thought it would get that bad,
It hurt a lot of people, especially, my brother, me and my dad.
This is when I started cutting, the cuts released my pain
The hate I felt inside was way to hard to contain
Now the scars have come and gone, and some are fresh and new
I'm trying to stop, its really hard, I'm stopping just for you
Then my "brother" took his daughter away.
She's my everything, I wasn't okay.
They took her away and said not a word.
First steps, weren't seen, first words just weren't heard.
It was a year that they were out of sight.
They, came back, they ended the fight.
Now one of my beautiful nieces sits in front of me.
Sheâ??s now three years old, no longer a small, sick baby.
Then my poor niece, who's been through a lot,
She's so sweet and so innocent, but a heart disease is what she's got.
She spent months in the hospital, and she almost died.
She is my ray of sunshine, in my stormy world; I can remember all the tears I cried.
Then my grandmother died, she was there for it all.
The fun times we had, the memories I recall.
She was so special, so dear to my heart.
She cared ever so much, but then she had to depart.
Then I find out my mom wants to do "it" again.
Two years ago, I thought that nightmare had end.
She's very depressed, feels she can't live.
The pain that I have, the love that I try to give.
Then there's the normal teenager shit.
The hate and the anger, don't like it one bit.
I feel like nowhere I really fit in.
But that's the way life is, the way life's always been.
Now as my life slowly unfolds,
I must never let the truth be told.
Don't let out your big secret, even though to some you already did.
The secret you've kept since you were a twelve-year-old kid.
One day when I was twelve, I was with this guy
He seemed like a nice one, but that changed the day he made me cry
"Come on it won't hurt" that's what he said me
That day he took advantage, and I never really understood why
Then a couple months ago, a drunk driver took my aunt away
We miss her ever so much; shshe'llever see another day
She was so happy; she was quiet, and shy
Why did she have to leave us, whwhyhe have to die?
Sometimes I sit and wonder why life just isisn'tair
And why sometimes people give up, why it feels like no one cares
And other times I wonder if I should just give up too
End my life, and stop the hate, but then I think of you.
