Consumed by Greed

by Biscuit   Aug 22, 2006


Alone she sat.
A victim to the harsh November chill.
The cold concrete provided no comfort
but froze her tender body still.

He lazed contented.
Warming his toes by a blazing fire;
the flames danced and flaunted
a soft glow for him to admire.

Attacked by starvation;
it coursed through her body like a fever.
She searched frantically for a sweet relief
but the affliction would not leave her.

His evening meal,
placed with grandeur before his covetous eyes;
devoured without a word of thanks.
Ignorant to ubiquitous starving cries.

Desperate and hopeless,
She peered through a window filled with light.
There stood a table, heavily laden;
She dreamt of savouring each bite.

Obnoxiously anticipant,
he demanded larger portions of each dish.
Complaining between gluttonous mouthfuls,
that none satisfied his wish.

A face at his window;
Dirty and thin.
A pair of pleading eyes
staring at him.

The hollow, homeless girl
whom he pays no heed.
Disregarding her anguish;
consumed by his greed.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by FlirtingWithDeath

    Wow kind of a wicked yet sad poem. You did a great job writing this poem hun. Writing a poem about two characters is hard but it looks like you mastered that. 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Robie Lincer

    That was awsome! like i said you got the talent!!!

    Keep it up!

  • 18 years ago

    by Sarah Ann

    Woah, great poem! You portrayal of imagery in the poem is really intense and it brings out everything else. The flow was fair, and not forced. I actually thought this was a great poem, given the raw emotions and all, It was wonderful Keep it up!

  • 18 years ago

    by Amanda Bee

    The imagery in this poem was spectacular. You created such crystal clear images which your words. I can picture the gluttonous man stuffing his face with food and I actually feel sorry for the pale, thin girl looking in. When I read poetry I want to feel the words and your poem made me feel every single one.

    I loved it:)

  • 18 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    Ahh, you started so well!

    The contrasting statements starting the stanzas was so refreshing. I would have changed the second sat to lay so you lose the repetition and you can imagine the man languishing lazily by the fire with a glass of red.

    You need another stanza to complete, follow up and even out the fith stanza. I would use anticipation to cantrast the hopelessness, maybe the man is looking forward to his next aquisition.

    I would also change A homeless girl to the homeless girl. This would suggest that he knows she is there and add to his lack of compassion.

    Also I'd change the grammar up a little in the last stanza to:

    The (you need a good adjective here) homeless girl,
    Whom he pays no heed.
    Disregarding her anguish;
    Consumed by his greed.

    The last stanza is good and strong. I like it.

    Really good effort on this, I can tell you thought out this poem and I know with a little tweeking you can do yourself even more justice.

    Bret

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