That was pretty sad, it had this real emotion about it. It was very well written, keep it up, my friend
love Tara-Kay
xxxxx

Wow I like you twist on words another great poem.

This is a very thought provoking poem with a strong moral message about a deadly sin.
I am moved

Ahh, you started so well!

The contrasting statements starting the stanzas was so refreshing. I would have changed the second sat to lay so you lose the repetition and you can imagine the man languishing lazily by the fire with a glass of red.

You need another stanza to complete, follow up and even out the fith stanza. I would use anticipation to cantrast the hopelessness, maybe the man is looking forward to his next aquisition.

I would also change A homeless girl to the homeless girl. This would suggest that he knows she is there and add to his lack of compassion.

Also I'd change the grammar up a little in the last stanza to:

The (you need a good adjective here) homeless girl,
Whom he pays no heed.
Disregarding her anguish;
Consumed by his greed.

The last stanza is good and strong. I like it.

Really good effort on this, I can tell you thought out this poem and I know with a little tweeking you can do yourself even more justice.

Bret

The imagery in this poem was spectacular. You created such crystal clear images which your words. I can picture the gluttonous man stuffing his face with food and I actually feel sorry for the pale, thin girl looking in. When I read poetry I want to feel the words and your poem made me feel every single one.

I loved it:)

Woah, great poem! You portrayal of imagery in the poem is really intense and it brings out everything else. The flow was fair, and not forced. I actually thought this was a great poem, given the raw emotions and all, It was wonderful Keep it up!

That was awsome! like i said you got the talent!!!

Keep it up!

Wow kind of a wicked yet sad poem. You did a great job writing this poem hun. Writing a poem about two characters is hard but it looks like you mastered that. 5/5