Suicidal?...

I enjoy having no pain to bother me,
But I have pain that only i can see,
There's no way of getting rid of it,
But there maybe one and it's becoming a habbit,
To either side of me there are tissues and blades,
I know which one makes me afraid,
But it takes away my pain,
And then brings it back again,
Do i use the blades or use the tissues,
Either way i need to do,
Use the tissues to wipe my tears,
Use the blade to cut into my fears,
Either way i will need to do it again,
As my pain just comes back to linger within,
Can you help me along this bumpy road,
When I'm with you I seen to be in safe mode,
I shiver from the pain what lingers,
From my toes to my fingers,
I look at all my scars up my arms,
Trying not to panic i keep calm,
There's one way to end everything,
Kill myself and starta new beggining,
So i will be happy forever in my other life...