Natures song

by roisin   Aug 23, 2006


Trees towered above me
whispering stories of ancient times
leaves rustling as they passed on the words

it was a magical place
with only the occasional beams of sunlight
to remind me of my world beyond the trees

the rich brown earth was soft beneath my feet
what other traveller had walked this path?

a handful of snow drops were scattered in near by grass
like footprints of fairies
moss covered stone and logs decorated the forests floor

with every trees creak, every birds tune
i heard it

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  • 18 years ago

    by WIP

    The rich brown earth was soft beneath my feet
    what other traceller had walked this path?
    had they too felt natures power shiver through theyre body?

    I say cut that last line, I don't think you need it. we've gotten the picture of natures power earlier in the poem, you don't need to state it. saying too much.

    with every trees creak and every birds tune
    i heard it

    Cut out the and and leave the poem off with I heard it, take out the natures ancient song line

    more powerful ending with just I heard it

    LOVE some of the images, and the short simple stanzas, your clear but then metephorical too which is good.

    good, good, good

    thats all I could think of that might help ya

    I like it

    [WIP]

  • 18 years ago

    by Ruthie

    Hey hey! this was a really nice job! I loved how you'd sectioned it into stanza. so many people don't do that these day's and it makes me dizzy lol... I also loved your theme. it's not that easy to write about but u did it really nicely :) keep it up!

    Ruthie xoxo

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