I'm in desperate need of help. An ear to listen or a shoulder
to cry on would do. I'd never thought that love itself is the thing that
would cause me and a loved one to be apart--mentally and emotionally.
I feel like I can't breathe anymore, in my own home, in my own pair of
lungs, in my own mouth. It's like everything in me is being controlled.
What dress to wear, where to go, when to sleep and even who to love.
I'm a prisoner in my own body. Being held against my will. I know that
I'm entitled to my own happiness. I know that no one in this world can
dictate to me what can make me happy. But how am I suppose to say that
to my own mother without her being hurt? I understand the fact that
I'm an only child and that she might just be protecting me. But protecting
is a lot different from dominating, dictating and controlling. I need to be
trusted. I know what I'm doing. I know I can get hurt but I know that I
can get out of it alive. I need to be hurt. That's a part of living. I wanna
enjoy my youth. I wanna live my life while I'm alive. Having a boyfriend
doesn't necessarily mean that your gonna be married soon, doesn't even
mean that yore too damn serious about it. The pain, the disappointment
and the confusion in me makes me wanna explode. Its only God who can
make her narrow mind be widened. All of the things that she's been telling
me hurts me a lot. If she cant be with me with these kind of things then who
else would. I don't know where to stand. I don't know where to go. I don't
even know what to think. If its love and care she's showing then why does it
feel like this? I feel like I'm a dove being held too tightly in her hands.
Starting to be strangled, and soon to die. God, one of your greatest gift that
comes together with life is having free will----- where's mine? Help me get
back what is mine. My rules, my choices, my decisions....... my life.
