I only cry cos I have to

I only cry when i have to
it's the only thing i'm used to
my heart's so often torn
yet a smile is so often worn
when tears fall from my eyes
i wipe them away and try to hide
i'm scared of you seeing
and afraid of what you're thinking
a childhood of being alone
makes me stronger on my own
yet weaker when in pain
attempts at love all end in vain
outward i'm always having fun
inward my crying's never done
i only frown when i need to
and try not to in front of you
i'm always holding back tears
so that no-one knows my fears
i can't handle being loved
my love was just always shoved
when i was little and i cried
no-one cared so now i hide
reader this is the sad story of how i am today,
because of the sad life i was forced to lead yesterday,
and though my life now has changed to good,
bad memories, as you know, can never be shook.